Tag: relationships

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Welcome to the Dark Side and the Importance of Shadow Work

Whether you’re trying to battle your inner-demons or have a dark shadow that seems to follow you wherever you go, the reality is we all have them. Some of us more than others. We all have a dark side somewhere deep inside of ourselves. 

If you let your “dark side”/”shadow” run wild your life can seem uncontrolled and chaotic. Classic shadow signs are anger, blame, and laziness, but it can also be expressed as insecurity, co-dependency, or even independence. These signs can manifest issues with mental health, addictions, negativity, and low self-worth; and left unchecked, these issues will begin to effect the overall quality of your life.

Disclaimer: The purpose here is to help and heal others.

Before delving further, I just wanted to include the disclaimer that I am not a mental health expert nor do I have a degree in psychology. I have read many books over the years to help me deal with some of the trauma that I have experienced in my life, and these books were on topics such as self-help, psychology, and spirituality. All of my readings have touched on the topic of dark sides, shadow work, and how it all goes together. I thought I would share more about what I have read and learned along the way so that I can help others who might be of need. 

The idea of “Shadow” was popularized and studied by Carl Jung who is a 20th Century psychologist from Switzerland. According to him, “Shadow” refers to the hidden parts of our being. These are parts of ourselves that we may try to repress because they make us feel sad or vulnerable. This is a side we often do not show others. It can also indicate how we internally perceive ourselves as “being weak,” therefore we feel the need to hide certain parts of ourselves. Jung believed in the acknowledging our full self, including the shadow side, so that we can live in a balanced way.

Learning How to Confront Your Shadow:

My shadow is the fear of being vulnerable. I often avoid certain situations whether it is in the past or present; knowing that a situation may cause me to be placed in a vulnerable position, I would do anything in my power to avoid it at all cost. I think a part of it has to do with my upbringing and how I was raised. Although I’m not placing any blame on anyone in my family or those who have raised me, I was always taught that I have to be “good” all the time and showing vulnerability is a sign of weakness. I’m thankful that I am aware of my shadows because knowing the struggles and battles we had to fight in order to succeed makes our victories all the more meaningful. As crazy as it may sound, the pain and suffering we see in the world around us are often mirrored by our internal pain and suffering. It is only in facing our difficulties that true change can be made, and the hope of peace can prevail, inside and out. 

Shadow work may seem counter-intuitive on the outside because you will have to face your pain instead of running away from it. The process works by allowing yourself to feel and understand the painful aspects of yourself, so they become fully integrated. I’ve learned that it takes courage, time, and an open heart to face your pain, but these tools learned along the way help in almost every other aspect of your life as well.

Shadow work is an introspective psychological practice that anyone can do and helps lead to a more fulfilling life. When working with your shadow, you may have a moment of spiritual awakening that lead to greater authenticity, creativity, and emotional freedom. 

Some of the benefits that I have noticed in some areas of my life included: improved relationships through understanding yourself and accepting others, overall enhanced state of well-being and mood, better communication with others, ability to set boundaries in every aspect of life, and cease the cycle of self-destruction. 

I wish that you all find your shadow and learn to work with it so we can all live a more balanced and more fulfilling life.  

Xoxo,

Tawny V

 

serene sunday

Serenity Sunday = Mediation Work

 

 

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Transformation Tuesday

Good morning everyone and happy Tuesday!

This morning I woke up, made a delicious coconut and dragon-fruit smoothie after doing some meditation, and thought to myself what better way to start the day than to write down my thoughts before I head to work.

I know I have talked about toxic relationships in the past, however today I will be discussing about the toxic relationships we have with ourselves and the ones that I have had with myself. I don’t know of anyone that has a 100% healthy relationship with themselves, especially around my age. I think it’s because we’ve been trained and conditioned for so long not to. It’s very easy to fall into negative behaviors especially in how we talk to ourselves and what we think about ourselves. 

I definitely had a toxic relationship with myself. I notice that it is getting a lot better: I have so much more compassion and love for myself this year than last year. What I have noticed about myself was that I tend to hold a lot of guilt when it comes to everything. I constantly felt bad and feel everything. I have a lot of empathy for everything. For a long time I was holding those feelings in, and I would punish myself for some things that weren’t even a big deal. For instance, I would worry if I offended someone or feel guilty if I cancelled plans with someone when I felt tired or just didn’t feel up for it anymore. In the grand scheme of life it doesn’t matter, but I would hold on to that guilt and punish myself internally by sitting around and sulking in my guilt. My entire day would be ruined because of it.

Because this was a toxic trait that I recognized in myself, I forced myself to practice self- love, compassion, and grounding to remind myself of who I am and what I want. What really helped me was meditation. I know I spoke about it a few times already, but I have been able to maintain my emotional state right now. I know that meditation has helped me with cultivating and maintaining those positive emotions. Some of you have also said that I seem happier nowadays, and I could cry just thinking about the ways that I have changed my relationship with myself for the better. I’m not going to sit here and say that I am not hard on myself anymore because I still am, but now I am just more aware of it. The goal now is to correct that type of thinking, whereas before I was just on autopilot: going through the motions and unaware of my own role in the cycle. 

I have read a few great self-help books to get me through the tougher times last year. I can list and talk about some of them in another post if anyone is interested. These self-help books made me aware of how I saw and treated myself. I was beginning to see how others see themselves. Sometimes when I go to events, whether personal or for work, I sometimes feel others’ emotional energies and they’d drain me. I felt the need to protect myself and my energy because I was starting to see that it wasn’t coming from me but from those around me. I was just absorbing all of the negative energy, and I hated it. I found myself not wanting be around anyone anymore because I was afraid of their emotional and negative energy and the way it would affect me. That might sound selfish and might be selfish, but I cannot be of service to anyone if I am in need of help. I have been protecting my happiness and working hard on myself, and I am not going to risk undoing all the progress I’ve made. People who love me and support me will understand and see where I am coming from. 

There are many who will take advantage of kindhearted and happier spirits. When you have a positive aura, people will naturally gravitate towards you, even people who don’t have that same aura or intentions. They just want to take it for themselves and drain you. Most of the time they aren’t even aware of it. I feel I am a naturally kindhearted person inside, and if I sense someone is troubled I just want to help them anyway I can, even if it will hurt me in the end. I know that what it’s like to be in their shoes because I’ve been in that emotional state. I know what it feels like so I want to help people, but some people don’t want your help. I had to recognize and learn that the hard way. That brings me back to the question of “How can you help anyone when you yourself are so emotionally sensitive and fragile?” That is what I am working on, and I have come a long way but the journey goes on. 

I wish you all love and light. Thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts and concerns. If anyone has any good book suggestions, whether it’s a novel or self-help book, please feel free to send me a message or comment!

Let us all continue to be self-aware and love ourselves a little more each day so that we can continue to love one another. 

XO,

Tawny V.

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The Ugly Truth – Why I Stopped Blogging/Getting Personal/ What I Was Going Through

Ever since I was a child I suffered from bad eczema. For those of you who are unaware of what eczema is, it a condition that causes the skin to become inflamed, itch, and causes skin to have rough patches, become cracked, and blistering ooze can also occur. 

Over the years my mom spent countless dollars and hours to send me to the best dermatologists money could buy to try and cure my eczema. After many tears shed, a round of shots, and steroid creams I was finally cured after ten years! (Well, we thought!)

As the years went on I  was able to live life normally again. No longer did I have to make up a silly excuse time after time to friends that I couldn’t attend a beach outing or hide my skin in the summer under big loose sweatshirts and sweatpants! Those days were gone, and I never wanted to look back. EVER.

I’ve always been the type of girl who saw things through rose colored glasses, however sometimes in life we are faced with different challenges and have to go through things that crush your spirit and break your heart. Unfortunately I went through just that this past year, and what followed me during the dark times? That’s right: several major cases of hives, along with the return of eczema. 

As if dealing with personal matters weren’t bad enough, talk about adding salt to the wound! After months of crying and feeling hopeless and heartbroken I decided that I can no longer allow myself to become depressed about anything in my life anymore and this was one of them. It was time to see a dermatologist and allergist and hope for the best. It turned out that my diet and stress/trauma was causing my hives and eczema to flare up. I was given a big list of foods that I should avoid, and that list consists of gluten, dairy, wheat, eggs, and citrus fruits. For those of you who know me in real life, you know that I absolutely love and eat each of those items on a daily basis and would never follow those rules lol! 

Even after coming back from the derm and getting my pills, shots, and steroid creams, I know that I will never be fully cured and the harsh reality was if I didn’t change my mind set and diet I am going to go downhill again. This is a battle that I will constantly have but now it is time to fight. And I think after everything that I have gone through over these past few months, it’s time I start learning to love and find myself all over again.

Although healing is a process that will take time, I’m happy to report that I am in a much better head space these days and can finally start to blog again. I still have my sad moments and memories, but I am hopeful for the sunshine at the end of the rainbow. 

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This picture was taken on my trip to beautiful Lake Arrow Head to celebrate my birthday Pre-Covid-19 Scare/Quarantine. Just thankful that I was able to celebrate. (Pisces baby!) 

I’m not perfect with my new eczema diet yet, and I still slip up and eat things I know I shouldn’t, but that’s OK. My life is a work in progress, and I’m just happy to be in the right mindset to be able to accept the things that aren’t perfect. We can’t control somethings that happen to us in life, but I can continue to work on my life and myself and that is all that I can do really. 

Xoxo

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Toxic Relationships

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No relationship is perfect, whether it is personal or professional. It’s hard to see what’s really best for yourself when you’re invested in something that is supposed to be so meaningful regardless if it is your career, a friendship, or a romantic relationship. It’s not easy to remember who you are and what you really want sometimes. Sometimes you even start to lose sight of yourself and forget that your well-being and happiness should be a priority as well. Sometimes we put up with these toxic relationships because of fear or  not wanting to feel the pain of letting go. But with time and distance, soon we’re all able to see the relationship for what it really was: toxic. 

It isn’t realistic to expect to be happy every moment of everyday. Someone once told me that life wasn’t all pink and filled with butterflies. But for the most part, a good relationship should make you feel secure, respected, and happy. On the other hand, toxic relationships make you feel drained, distraught, and sometimes even defeated. Toxic relationships can cause you to slowly begin accepting what you used to consider unacceptable. Whether you are running a business or invested in a partner, the last thing anyone needs is any form of toxicity in their lives.  If someone or something is making you unhappy, you owe it to yourself to let that person or thing go. If you are constantly feeling your worst, you cannot be the best version of yourself. You wouldn’t hold onto a peach while it goes rotten just because at one point it was good.

Have you ever had a toxic relationship in your life? When did you realize it was toxic, and how were you able to move on? I’d love to hear your experiences, and I’m sure others could benefit as well!